I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
