gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
