It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
