i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
