Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize