I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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