If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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