drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
