i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
