I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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