I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
