i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
