You're completely useless in the revolution.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
