New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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