Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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