yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
