Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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