how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
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