We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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