You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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