i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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