She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
