just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
