your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
