My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize