i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
