i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
