in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
