She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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