So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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