You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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