How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
