What did we do last night that was yellow?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
