make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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