i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
