Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
