i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
