I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
