Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
