There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
