Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
What a dumb baby whore.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
