you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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