I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
