I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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