Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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