I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
