doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
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