Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
