dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
