I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
