Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
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