Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
