"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
