just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
