Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize