Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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