My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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