It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
