Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
