Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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