I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
