the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Randomize
