We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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