yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
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