Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
