i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
