I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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