And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
