I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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