I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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