I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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