piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
