i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
