Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
