Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
