Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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