Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize