just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
