Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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