Three words: puerto rican gang bang
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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