remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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