Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
