sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
