you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
