turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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