Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
