So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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