Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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