He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
