I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
