i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
