she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
