Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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