Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
