Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
