its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
