if i can run in heels then i can drive
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
