I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
