he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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