the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
