singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
