Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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