I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
