They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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