Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
